Released June 2002 (Health Communications) * 350 pages * ISBN 13: 9781558749528
Perfect Daughters is a compact book at 200 pages, but it is full of insight for adult daughters of alcoholics (I have not been able to track down a similar book for adult sons of alcoholics, unfortunately—parts of this book may provide insight for sons, but the bulk of the book is specific to daughters). A few reviews that I have read complained about the introduction to the book, a story about a little princess in a kingdom ruled by a king and queen who don’t make sense (the alcoholic parents). This introduction didn’t resonate with me either, but it is a very small part of the book and worth reading past. The rest of the book is more concrete with the occasional short snippet from an interview to illustrate a point.
What makes this book valuable is the description of types of adult daughters and the explanation of why these differences develop. This allows adult daughters to figure out why they are one way and not another. The book looks at adult daughters in a number of different ways. The first part of the book focuses on differences in the alcoholic households that affect child development; the second part of the book focuses on the characteristics in adult daughters that can cause problems for themselves and those around them.
In looking at childhood, the book shows that the effect of the alcoholic parent on the daughter differs according to what point in the daughter’s childhood the parent started drinking (the most profound effect is on daughters who were born into an alcoholic home) because it affects which part of development was interrupted (this would also be of interest to adult sons).
The gender of the parent who is drinking (80% of alcoholic parents are fathers) also affects the child (as does the gender of the child, which is why much of this book will probably not be of use to adult sons). The differences are explained so that it is easier to understand the characteristics that an adult daughter has or has not developed (this also explains why all characteristics on the laundry list of ACoA characteristics do not apply to all ACoAs equally).
The book then moves on to the different types of adult daughters, which is much like an astrological sign description in that it describes eight different personality types. There is a description of various characteristics and a short survey to help readers figure out which traits are most prominent in their behaviour.
For those who are interested in the numbers, much of the survey data is reproduced in tables at the back of the book for reference. Tables and graphs don’t appear in the main text because Ackerman felt that it would be distracting to the reader. I think this was a wise choice as the text gives you the information you need in a much more compact form that the numbers would.
Perfect Daughters shows how a parent’s drinking affects an adult daughter by explaining exactly why certain characteristics develop and why this is perfectly normal. This book also avoids the victim approach by approaching adult daughters as survivors who have developed a lot of useful skills because of their upbringing, rather than victims who have developed faulty characteristics.
Perfect Daughters should be required reading for all adult daughters of alcoholics to gain a better understanding of themselves.
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