Released September 2008 (Adams Media) * 240 pages * ISBN 13: 9781598698183
Before you read further, let’s clear something up: This book is not about how to GET an older man. It is about what to DO when you find yourself considering or actually dating an older man and you’re not sure how that happened or whether you want to pursue the relationship. It’s about looking at the issues (which you may or may not have considered) and deciding whether this is a good match for you. And it’s about doing this thinking earlier rather than later so you don’t waste time with someone who isn’t going to be a good partner for you.
This book is much more widely applicable than the title would suggest. It is foremost about developing a mature and lasting relationship with a romantic partner (age difference is the angle, but the advice is pretty universally applicable). I have a couple friends who would benefit from reading this book, and they date people their own age.
I, on the other hand, have been there, done that, and was too lazy to have a T-shirt made up. My partner and I have been together for almost a decade (which is less than the age difference between us)–think Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas and you’ve got the right age difference (although neither one of us is as pretty, but we’re okay with that). When I saw this book, I could not imagine how one would talk for an entire book on the topic. After all, a Y-chromosome is a Y-chromosome no matter what his age.
I was pleased to see that Dating the Older Man is aimed at women who want a real relationship, not those who want the Sugar Daddy or the Father Figure or whatever other stereotypes there are floating around about the older man. The tone is conversational with occasional humour, but it is intent on providing information and insight. Much of the book applies to any woman dating any man and looking for a lasting relationship: make sure he respects you, make sure you are forging an equal partnership, make sure you disagree productively, don’t sabotage yourself, etc.
There are some issues that are particular to relationships with older men such as ex-wives, children (possibly grown), disapproval of friends and family, different priorities. Basically, the older your dating partner is (and the older you are, I would add), the more “stuff” (psychological or physical) you bring into the relationship. Although the advice uses the younger woman-older man scenario as examples, it can be adapted to other differences that cause friends and family to frown.
Dating the Older Man is something that I would have found useful if it had been available back then, and I recommend it to anyone who is trying to establish a long term relationship with an older man (or any man). It is a respectful and considered book on a topic that is often sensationalized and stereotyped.
